T H E . M O U T H P I E C E  Monday, August 19th, 2002
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"A Houston woman has been arrested for running over her
husband three times and killing him with her Mercedes.  The
woman claims it was an accident. Three times.  That shows you
"It’s been reported that the couple from ABC’s reality show
"The Bachelor," has broken up.  It’s not surprising since
studies show that 60% of fake TV marriages end in divorce."
"You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me
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1. I just love how Barry Manilow sings, don't you?
2. No, I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.
3. You know, her breasts are just too big for my liking.
5. Boy, that Barbara Walters on "20/20" is one sexy babe.
6. Sure, honey! I'd be happy to discuss the state of our
7. We haven't been to the mall for ages. Let's go shopping and
8. Forget Monday Night Football. Let's watch something
9. It's late. Put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.
10. Honey, I'm going to the store. Do you need more tampons?
11. Actually, I prefer it when *you* hold the remote.
12. I'm sick of beer. Give me a fruit juice.
13. Great! Your mother's coming to stay with us again.
14. I wonder if my gorgeous neighbour knows that her drapes are
open when she's getting ready for bed. Maybe I should tell
15. No way. You weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.
16. Better get rid of these old Playboy magazines. I don't
18. This movie has way too much gratuitous nudity.
20. No! I don't want to see your sister's breasts.
21. Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.
22. Put some panties on, for Pete's sake.
23. Eat something! You are starting to look like a Victoria's
26. Hey, isn't today your Mother's birthday?
29. I am just too tired to have sex again today!
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