http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2002/04/08/new-tags.html
W3C approves HTML 4 'emotitags' - Now you'll be able to say it with
feeling
by Lester Haines
The World Wide Web Consortium (W3C) has approved a number of new html
'emotitags' which will revolutionise the web surfing experience.
The tags have no physical effect, but rather elicit a strong emotional
response from the reader. Top of the list is <wot> (War on TerrorT). The
tag, when judiciously applied, will immediately provoke violent anger
against ragheads, thus:
<wot>Charity agencies report that Iraqi leader Sadaam Hussein has
adopted the African dictatorial habit of eating his political
opponents.</wot>
Of particular interest to British code-monkeys is the new <iht> (I'm
hurting too). This is designed for use when reporting on the life of
Elizabeth the Queen Mother and other recently dead famous people:
<iht>She touched our lives in so many ways with her common touch and her
instinctive understanding of ordinary people. She will be sadly
missed.</iht>
The instantaneous effect is to reduce the reader to teary-eyed and
self-indulgent wallowing in which he or she becomes unaccountably upset
about the death of a complete stranger.
Political reporting also looks to benefit from the new <spin> tag. Any
government ministerial pronouncement is thus rendered immediately
transparent:
<spin>Tony Blair was quick to defend transport secretary Byers, calling
him "the most honest man it has been my privilege to know".</spin>
And, in a much-needed boost to satire sites, W3C has formally ratified
the controversial <nolibel>. This guarantees any text contained within
it complete immunity from prosecution:
<nolibel>Naomi Campbell, we can confirm, is a talentless, drug-addicted
perjurer who believes that good looks alone can justify her appalling
and obnoxious behaviour.</nolibel>
The new tags have been warmly received by the programming community. W3C
has, however, warned that they are to be used economically. It has
further cautioned that they should never be used together, since the
effect on the reader could be catastrophic:
<wot><iht><spin>In response to reports that the Queen Mother had fallen
victim to Sadaam Hussein's Axis of EvilT chemical weapons programme,
Stephen Byers noted: "She was everybody's favourite grandmother who
touched the lives of billions. The only consolation we can gain from
this tragedy is that all of the UK's trains will be running on time by
next Monday. And you can quote me on that."</spin></iht></wot>
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