Most jokes on the web are endlessly recycled; these are my own inventions.

Top ten reasons to be a probabilist

The List

Light bulbs

How many statisticians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer

How many theoretical computer scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer

How many probabilists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer

If you can make up a better one for probabilists, let me know.

To get a bit obscure, Stephen DeSalvo suggests
How many Ramsey Theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer

Award categories we would like to see

Some years ago a NRC report on Mathematical Sciences observed that mathematicians spend less time giving each other awards than do other sciences. To narrow the award gap, here are some Award categories we would like to see

More nerd humor

can be found in the 81 reviews of A Million Random Digits